That Guy!

I was exhausted after the day's work and just wanted to relax for a while before heading to my apartment. I stopped the car at Heaven. The truth is I didn't feel like going to my place. Nothing but only walls are there to welcome me. If walls could talk, they would have had millions of words to describe about my loneliness. They see my solitary life every moment. They see how I try to console myself hugging the pillow during the nights. They see my tears whenever I look at the photo of my parents.

I ordered a beer and started thinking about all those good times. I was the only child and my parents brought me up centering all their love towards me. They didn't suspect when I didn't have a girlfriend. They didn't feel suspicious when I put wallpapers of Tom Cruise in my room. They didn't get the hint when I told them I didn't want to get married. I had determined to keep it as a secret till I find my other half. But fate had decided something else. The truth had to come out because I was forced to marry a girl that they searched for me. The whole world turned upside down that day. I was cursed and beaten and kicked out.

Tears again filled my eyes, but my thoughts were interrupted by a voice beside me. Seated next to me was a gorgeous hunk and the smell of his cologne took my breath away. He wore a tight t-shirt revealing his strong muscular hands. I could make out that he had a slightly hairy body. I didn't realize when he looked towards me and he knew what my eyes were up to. A sudden chill shot throughout my body. I didn't know what to do next. But he smiled and extended his hand for a handshake. I felt the heat shooting up inside me as I firmly gripped his strong hand. I looked into his sharp piercing brown eyes. Aah! I could just sink in them. And those beautiful lips! I wanted to kiss them forever!


After the intros, soon we were into talking stuff and I felt like I was in a trance. All my pains and worries seemed to vanish being with him. In my mind, there was something saying this could be it. Will this develop into something special? But isn't it all too soon to think about this? Or does love at first sight really exist? If this is what it feels like, then it surely does. If this is true, then the walls do not have to see my solitude any more. I don't have to console myself by hugging the pillow anymore. If this is true, then my lonely days are finally going to be over!!

Again my thoughts were interrupted by another voice, "Sorry the traffic held me up."

The next thing I saw was my guy getting up and kissing a beautiful lady.

He then looked at me, "Oh let me introduce you to my new friend."

I smiled and shook hands with her.

I didn't want to stay there any longer and excused myself saying that I was already late. I said bye to the couple and walked towards the car. Each footstep is now hard to take. My heart feels heavy. During the drive, I kept thinking how stupid I was to feel all that. On reaching my apartment, I turned the knob of the door and with a sigh, prepared for what is stored inside.

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The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life Of Crazy Sam

It's been almost 6 months since I really liked someone, someone with whom I can be comfortable with. Although I had determined not to fall for him, he made me fall with his charm and words. But since we knew that this couldn't work anyways, we both decided to take the friendship route. And that added another one whom I cannot romantically get along with. And thanks to my fate, none of them are now anywhere near my vicinity!!

Six months have passed and still I am single. What am I doing wrong? I am asked why have I chosen to be away from guys when so many of them are circling around. Hello? Do you think I wanted to be like this? Hell No! Do you have any idea how desperately I am wishing that romance to enter my life? And they say I am not trying hard enough. Well.. let see what's trying hard. To meet every single guy that offers you "fun"? To continue chatting with one whom you are not interested? To just discard the fact that you are not attracted to him? To succumb to do erotic talks over phone and IM? Or to endure him use "dear" every now and then because he feels that makes him so affectionate?

May be I sound shallow when I say this. I am finding that the guys whom I see on the streets are far better looking than the ones I meet. Have I reduced to nothing more than a mere scum-magnet?



And to top it all off, yesterday my parents were telling me, "It says in your horoscope that you'll have two wives."

Uh.. really?

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Coulda Shoulda Woulda Prada

Last weekend I was at Goa with my parents. Not to any touristy areas though, b'coz I was there to attend a family wedding. The bride's brother came to the railway station to pick us up. He looked exactly the same since I last saw him years ago. Handsome and so charming! Everytime I see him, he makes my heart skip a beat. I don't think we ever had a comfortable talk. It was always a hi, or something of that sort. I get tongue-tied and the words even if they came out would be totally out of order that would make no sense. I still remember that day when I made a total fool of myself while trying to make a conversation with him. That was 10 years ago. May be he doesn't remember all that now, but I do.

The fact that he is married doesn't stop me from fantasizing about him. He is absolutely crazy about cars and loves his own like a.. I don't know how to put it, but you should've seen the way he was washing his car the other day. It was almost like he was caressing it! Gently touching and wiping the water off with the soft cloth, with so much of affection and care. How I wished I were his car! Then I could have allowed him to drive me as long as he wants! (Lol!!) As I watched him loving his baby, he told me during his college days he too grew his hair long. "You should try modelling", he said casually.

"Yeah right! Very much possible!!" I blurted out sarcastically. *gets tongue-tied*
I wanted to say, "Don't you know that the cameras hate me?"


On our en route back to home after attending the marriage, we alighted at my mother's brother's place to visit him. My aunt dropped us back to the station in the afternoon. The train had already been pulled in. We caught our seats and I was back on the platform to continue talking with her. Then I saw this guy on the window seat looking at me. He was good looking and modish. Totally my type! In between the chat, I checked whether he was still eyeing me. He was. When the train started moving, I said bye to my aunt and got back to my seat that was opposite to the guy across the aisle. I tried to get a look at his face, but the people in between were blocking my view. Then I was completely distracted by this handsome macho guy who boarded from the next stop. Since the train was crowded, he couldn't find a seat and so he stood near the doorstep, listening to his iPod. He was a dark handsome fella and had a don't care a damn - attitude. He wore black pants and white round-necked t-shirt that had a logo of airtel on his left chest.

When the man sitting beside my father got off, he saw the vacant seat and sat there. (By the way, my parents' seats are opposite to mine facing me. So now I got a much closer view of him.) I continued to check him out and at one point he saw me. I quickly took my eyes away. But that didn't stop me. This is the first time I am daring to continue checking a guy out even when I knew he was aware of what I was up to. We would try to glance at each other now and then, and sometimes our eyes would meet for just a second and one of us would retract. It kept on going.. (would you believe if I say, for hours??). One time as I looked, he smiled at me. Man! He was so charming that I too gave a brief smile. I thought from that point on, this could become better, but again the old game of awkward glancing resumed till the train pulled into his destination. Before getting off, he looked at me.. for the last time. His face was expressionless.


I could have easily initiated a chat with him. Since I am planning to buy an iPod soon, it would have been a nice topic to start the flow. I guess the presence of my parents made both of us feel insecure. Rest of the journey was quite uneventful and when I checked the other guy, he was busy talking on the mobile. Hours later, my destination also came. Now when I stood up to leave with my bags, I saw him gazing at me. I looked away, but then looked at him again. He is now royally checking me out! By now, the train halted and I had to get off. I could have given him at least a smile.

I believe I would have had a way with this guy too if I were travelling alone. Since the next stop is the final one for this train and I could easily catch a bus from there to my home, there would be no harm in getting off there and I'd get a chance to do a small talk with him while walking towards the staton's exit. Who knows, may be that could have been the start of something! Well, what's the point in thinking about all that now!!

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Gaydar For Sale Anyone?

First of all, I must thank Orangeorka for prompting me to do this post. His posts on gaydar made me want to share my experience with this highly discombobulating (try saying it?) thingy. When I say I doubt whether I have gaydar, I am told to watch guys, how they talk and interact. But unless they are feminish, I don't think I will ever identify one. (And I'm not stating that all such guys are gays.) Anyways, truth is I really don't bother to know who's gay and who's not. If at all I get a vibe from someone (yeah right.. like that's gonna happen!), it's still pretty much the same because I don't see myself going towards him and initiating a conversation.


But one time, the unthinkable did happen. I was in a lift with a cute guy. There was something in me pushing to talk to him. This is the first time I'm seeing him and I didn't get any gay vibe what so ever. Well.. I initiated the talk and we had a brief two minute conversation while walking towards our destination. At the end of the chat, something told me that this guy could be gay. He was not feminish. (May be something about the way he talked?)

Shortly few days after that, I had sent a message to a guy in my gay dating site and when he replied, it turned out to be HIM!! He wrote back saying, he remembered the incident and it was not the conversation that he recalled, but my face. According to him, I had a good face value! *blushes* (I swear, those were his exact words!) He then told me he actually wanted to initiate the chat, but then I did beat him in that. Lol! Although we exchanged some flirty messages, nothing proceeded between us after that.


Back to identifying gays in public, I am also told that if a guy gives you a gaze when you look at him, he is probably into men. In that case, I must be surrounded by a bunch of gay men. Oh boy!

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The Cosmopolitan Tales

Few weeks before while I was at my cousin's place, I had the opportunity to read Cosmopolitan (I think it is the closest thing I can get here that goes as a substitute for a gay magazine.) Since I know no one would expect a guy to read Cosmo, I was very careful not to get "outed". Every time his wife passed by, I made extra-sure that she wouldn't see me holding the Cosmo. But I had a really fun time reading it. You know how these magazines are, right? Perfect poison for a shallow guy like me with all the peppiness and glamour. In fact I was so hooked on to it that I couldn't stop myself from reading until I reached the last page. Felt like I was eating chocolate ice cream - you just don't want the bowl to get empty.


Since then, I wanted to grab one copy to keep it for myself. Every time I go to the bookstore, I could feel it calling me, "Take me home, allow me to satisfy you.." But what would the people think if they see me buying Cosmo. I don't pass off as a married man so that I'm buying it for my wife. I don't think any brother would care to buy Cosmo for his sister. And don't even take the possibility of a guy buying Cosmo for his girlfriend!

When I told Phoebe about Cosmo, she stated that even a fair number of the so-called macho straight guys would sneakily check out Cosmo. Yesterday while we were shopping for her mother, I saw the magazine and asked her to buy it for me, which she readily agreed. After unloading everything in her home, on our way to railway station we discussed about my dating situation.

Celebrities Naked Centerfold - Cosmopolitan June 2006

I was kinda talking to a guy over the phone for the past one week and the weird part is every time we decide to meet, he would not turn up and later call me and give me some excuse. At first I thought it was just bad circumstances, but when it started to happen every day I began to feel suspicious. Phoebe said she is surprised that I even let that guy to make me fall for something like that, may be because he was that charming. (Imagine.. 7 days, 7 different excuses!) But he would then call me in the night, and sweet-talk to me and make me agree to come for the meet next day. (Yeah so stupid of me, I know!) Phoebe and I wonder what his actual deal is. If he wants to ignore me, then why would he call me later and take the pain of cooling down my frustration. Anyways, this guy and I were to meet yesterday too and I had warned him if he couldn't make it this time also, then that's the end of us. As expected, he didn't turn up and so later when he tried to call me, I just switched off the phone. No more talking to him and letting myself get manipulated this way.

Phoebe prefers me having an African-American as boyfriend. According to her, Caucasians are so quick to fall for commitments, but they are even more quick for breaking-up where as African-Americans take their time to be in relationships and are more serious about being committed. I don't know how much of that is true, what is your opinion? Anyways, I prefer an Indian. But since I am brainwashed by the pictures of sexy hunks that are floating on the internet and most of them are Caucasians, I fantasize about them too. (In fact, I always get a vibe that my sweet prince is waiting for me in Sydney. =p)


Well.. after seeing her off, I accidentally bumped in to my college mates.. yeah with the COSMO!! Thankfully, it was in a cover and I managed to play cool and didn't let it come under their notice. I also managed to sneak the Cosmo in to my room without my parents' knowledge. Right now, it is hiding in my bedroom as though it's a porn magazine!

Now fess up! How many of you guys out there have read Cosmo!

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