Obsessed With The C-Factor

I sometimes dream that I am sitting alone at a cafe waiting for my friends to turn up and a cute guy at the other end tries to make an eye-contact and then he comes over nervously, asks me a lame question. He feels uneasy and I come to the rescue and ease him. We have our small chat and we feel the spark, we feel that connection, a feeling that this is the beginning of something special, that we are meant for each other. And when it is the time to depart, we both feel powerless to walk away, looking into each other's eyes that say, "Don't go, don't leave me alone. I want you, I need you, because you are the one I have been searching for..."

But I know this would never happen to me. First of all, I am always the last one to show up in any get together. So that literally rules out the possibility of me being alone and checked out by a cute guy and second, why would a totally cute guy sit there all alone and third, I don't believe in love at first sights.


When I went to the DJ last week, I had a teeny-meeny hope of meeting a cute guy (the C-Factor rules!) and we both throwing glances at each other and finally ending up (in the bed?? Lol! I ain't that stupid!) sharing the numbers. As you already might have guessed, nothing of that sort happened although an intoxicated guy was telling me, "Dance! Dance!!" He was kinda cute.. (only kinda) And seeing another guy's reaction, I thought he lost something important and he was searching for it. I felt sorry for him and thought of asking what he was searching for. And then only I knew that it was ONE of his dance moves! Crazy boozers!!

Anyways, I was surprised to see my friend chatting and dancing with another guy. I was thinking, "Hmm... cool, it's been only few minutes and he already made an acquaintance." But after sometime, I came to know that they already knew each other. Later that night while we ate our dinner, he joined us. Boy! Can any person be louder than him! (FYI, loud people freak the hell out of me.) Wait, there is lot more.. He kept on repeating the terms 'gay' and 'my boyfriend' and other people were looking at us. (You should know that I am a closeted gay and I am out to only very close friends.) Most of the time I kept quite and all the talks were between my friend and this guy, who is by the way, little feminine too... Oh let me not get you wrong here, I have nothing against such guys. But I was feeling like the situation was indirectly presenting itself to let others know that I am gay too. Or this could all be my misconceptions, why should people think that I am gay just because I am with a slightly feminine, openly homosexual man?

Today my friend messaged me that this guy had invited us for his birthday bash which was happening at the same place. This could mean all his gay and lesbian friends to be there. But since my friend is busy with some other stuffs and it was not possible for him to attend, I also decided not to go. I really can't deal with the scene where I am surrounded by gay men and women, all by myself. Plus it was raining all day and I felt like not going outside. The roads will all be blocked and everywhere it will be muddy.

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