Thursday, February 26, 2009

An Equal Love


[Image] Crazy Sam's Bloginess: Gay couple walking down sidewalk

Another Valentine’s Day is here. A day to honour love and lovers. A day when many couples exchange flowers, romantic notes, gifts and cards to each other. A day when many lucky ones go out and celebrate their love. It’s a nice feeling to love and be loved, to feel that you mean everything for someone, to feel that you can count on this one person to share your innermost feelings. And there are many of us who are still hanging on to that “single” – tag, waiting for love to happen or just enjoying being single. But even then no one can deny the fact, Valentine’s Day is that day of the year when love overshadows any other sentiment.

But this year’s Valentine’s Day is not just about love alone. Many of us are surprised and angered to hear from a bunch of narrow-minded goons that spending time with our lover in open places and celebrating Valentine’s Day is wrong, that it is against our “culture”. Many of us are raising questions about who are these people to decide on what we should or should not do and what right they have to interfere in our personal lives. It is so ridiculous for someone to dictate that we will not be allowed to celebrate our love on a Valentines Day! This all seems so absurd, right?

Now just think about a small percentage of population who always has felt this unfairness that you are all feeling right now, every single day! Yes I’m talking about gays. For us gays, we could never think of celebrating Valentine’s Day with our special person in open places because we never felt secure to express our love. There is this fear always echoing in our minds (and not on Valentine’s Day alone) about what others would think and react if they see us holding hands or sitting across a table looking into each others eyes or giving a peck on the cheeks. It is not a good feel to always search for a secluded place to exchange such small tokens of love.

[Image] Crazy Sam's Bloginess: Gay couple at resturant

[Image] Crazy Sam's Bloginess: Gay couple at park

[Image] Crazy Sam's Bloginess: Gay couple romancing

What is it that makes gay love be considered second class by many? Why does it face so much scorn? Why do some feel the need to preach hate and pass judgments? Many of us enter into gay relationships knowing the bitter truth that this could be ephemeral because sooner or later, we will be forced to marry someone whom our folks have searched and found “suitable”. And that true love yields to parental and societal pressures. Many gays prefer one night stands because they know gay relationships do not stand a chance in our country. Why does it have to happen this way? Why do we have to forfeit our happiness for the sake of gratifying a society who by the way, doesn’t care a hoot about us?

I say it is high time to realize that the love between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman is equally sublime as the love between a man and a woman. Because we too nurture that concept of growing old together. We too dream of waking up beside our lover. We too enjoy walking on beaches and parks holding hands. We too desire on introducing our sweetheart to friends and families. But this all can happen only if you accept us; if you accept us in the same way we are accepting you. Love is not something that should be forced to hide. It deserves to be respected and acknowledged. And we should be able to express our love with no fear or shame because it is after all an emotion we feel for that special person whom our heart beats for.

[Image] Crazy Sam's Bloginess: Gay couple on beach

This was the guest post I wrote for Blogbharti which was published on Valentine's Day. Click here to know more. Shaheryar Ali at Sherryx informed me that this article became the main inspiration for him to write this outstanding piece. I'm glad!

Check out these related posts too!
The Right To Do "I Do"
The Gay Parade And The Media
Curing Homophobia

  • Shaheryar Ali February 26, 2009 at 8:48 PM

    Sam you deserve all the credit. Thanks for citing my article. What inspired me in your article was the realization that "Love" is reduced to status of "heterosexual love" only, it disenfranchise the whole gay and trans gender population. When str8 people complain about being intimidated by cultural fascists on Valentine day they should remember that gays live in this situation 24/7 just because they are indifferent to very idea of an "equal love".

    Sam you should write more on socio-cultural and political side of homosexuality. Because if ever change comes , it will be through socio-cultural critique and a political transformation of Indian subcontinent. I again congratulate you writing this piece on Valentine Day thus bringing out a gay perspective.

  • Kenneth Johnson aka Sebastien Penn February 28, 2009 at 6:55 AM

    wow, you have a pretty great looking site, sam. how come i've never noticed it before?

  • Mac Callister February 28, 2009 at 6:37 PM

    as for me I dont mind somehow i am entitled to my own happiness and place on this planet hehe

    or you could spend time together at ur own place so that u wont be bothered by the others who are mortified of us gay showing affections towards one another.

  • Rahul March 9, 2009 at 2:17 PM


    I am a graduate student at the School of Communication Studies at Bowling Green State University, Bowling Green, Ohio. I am emailing you regarding a research project on blogs by gay Indians, reacting to the June 29, 2008, Gay Pride marches held in New Delhi, Bangalore and Kolkata. I would like to get your feedback on the project findings, because your blog was one of them analyzed for it.

    If you have an email address, I would like to email you a more detailed note on the research project. You can email me at

    Thank you for your time.

  • Anonymous March 14, 2009 at 10:37 PM

    Well Sam,I think apart from fighting for equal rights for Homosexuals,something which we need to do is to educate each and every citizen of India about homosexuality,how it can be defined,whether it is natural or not.I feel there are many in this country who regard homosexuality unnatural because they do not know much about homosexuality,like teenagers.Most teenagers,get an impression(mostly from porn sites) that homosexuality is all about sexual intercourse.They never realize that homosexuality is also about love,and not just lust.They make fun of homosexuals.
    This was just a small example.There are many such people who,if they come to know what homosexuality really is,I am sure,would support equal rights for homosexuals.I feel that we need to have a mass movement for educating people about homosexuality.

  • Kunjal March 15, 2009 at 8:40 PM

    I was very annoyed the way this valentine turned out with all those protests. You have beautifully linked it with the frustration gays face on a daily basis:)

  • varun March 14, 2011 at 12:54 PM

    I completely agree with what sam has written ovr hre. i've been with this guy whom i love from the past two years and evrytym valentines shows up i feel that rather than thinkin of how to make it special n beautiful, all i think bout is how can i make it any less embarassing.
    sometimes when i wake up in the middle of the night and d thought of leavin him crosses my mind, it leaves me feeling helpless and devastated.
    I am young right now and sincerely hope that things open up by the time i become mature so that i can spend my life the way i want to, happily and with the one i love.
    luv u all.Peace :)

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