Have You Got What It Takes?

Though I detest looking for guys from dating sites, in India that could be the only safest go. You needn't worry about your gaydar malfunctioning or trying hard to flirt with the cutie to let the bum know about your infatuation towards him. But finding guys from online has its drawbacks. Since it is not a face to face, many uncertainties remain unanswered. And finally, you meet the guy in real and get the shock of your life! Don't worry. Follow my simple yet powerful, step by step strategy to cushion that blow.

1. Browsing the profiles
I'm expecting a decent write up of the person. Long, I mean really loooong profiles bore me. Same goes for those who are having an inflated idea about themselves. And no pictures of genitals and butt. I also don't want to see pictures of men (or women) indulging in their sexual pleasures. I ain't here for porn, I have heaps of it in my comp.

2. IMing the subject
At this point I'm expecting a clear photo of him. Don't try to fool me by showing some hottie's pic. I have scaled this internet far and wide that I would be able to know whether it is fake or not. Also A/S/Ls really piss me off. So do those questions about the length of my shaft and "Are you top or bottom?" And don't expect me to share my previous experiences. Those are my personal stuff and I don't have to prove my sexual proficiency to him. The "dear" usage is a total turn-off. Guys who make me wait 3 or more minutes for their reply gets my delete. Most of the time, this leg becomes the last one for many candidates.

3. Phoning the guy
The dudes who have cleared the previous round is subjected to yet another even tougher one. But I can be easy on them if they call me first and not waiting for me to call them. And here I'm faced with the breed "missed-callers" who give me missed calls to call them. No doubt, they too get my delete. Also, guys hoping for a phone-sex will be seriously disappointed. I have had many where they would throw the hints here and there, trying to make me arouse, but I would pretend that I'm not getting any of them. For the rest of the guys, this is the opportunity for me to know the real deal. I check out his voice (strong, deep and masculine would be perfect!), the way he talks (sissy and clingy guys, sorry!) and how interesting he is to carry forward the conversation (sense of humour is a plus!)

4. The meet!
If we find we are comfortable in our phone chats, this will be the ultimate and final test! The most scary part is when the guy wants to talk gay stuff in public when you know the people setting next could hear us well. Sorry, I'm really concerned about what people think about me. I try to tell him that I'm feeling uncomfortable, but if he continues to show off his gay pride, then he can continue doing that. But don't expect me to see him again. I will be watching his mannerisms. Nose picking, sneezing without covering, slurping while drinking and eating, body odour.. all can seriously gross me out. I expect him to be well mannered and if he hasn't got that, then he is not worth my time.

So have you got what it takes to be my ideal date?


And now you may ask me the benefit of following such tight checks? SINGLE AND NO SEX LIFE!! Sigh.

Check out these related posts too!
The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life Of Crazy Sam
More Blah!

This post is not over yet! Click here to continue reading.

Click here to shrink this post.

The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life Of Crazy Sam

It's been almost 6 months since I really liked someone, someone with whom I can be comfortable with. Although I had determined not to fall for him, he made me fall with his charm and words. But since we knew that this couldn't work anyways, we both decided to take the friendship route. And that added another one whom I cannot romantically get along with. And thanks to my fate, none of them are now anywhere near my vicinity!!

Six months have passed and still I am single. What am I doing wrong? I am asked why have I chosen to be away from guys when so many of them are circling around. Hello? Do you think I wanted to be like this? Hell No! Do you have any idea how desperately I am wishing that romance to enter my life? And they say I am not trying hard enough. Well.. let see what's trying hard. To meet every single guy that offers you "fun"? To continue chatting with one whom you are not interested? To just discard the fact that you are not attracted to him? To succumb to do erotic talks over phone and IM? Or to endure him use "dear" every now and then because he feels that makes him so affectionate?

May be I sound shallow when I say this. I am finding that the guys whom I see on the streets are far better looking than the ones I meet. Have I reduced to nothing more than a mere scum-magnet?



And to top it all off, yesterday my parents were telling me, "It says in your horoscope that you'll have two wives."

Uh.. really?

Check out these related posts too!
Have You Got What It Takes?
More Blah!

This post is not over yet! Click here to continue reading.

Click here to shrink this post.

More Blah!

Warning: This post and the below one were originally written together, that's why both have the pompous taste. If you don't like pretentious talking, you should not read them.

Phoebe tells me that I shouldn't be worried about finding the right guy, that he will find me. In fact I too like the feel of it, gives me the role of a hidden gem waiting to be discovered. :p Today I just wanted to see how the guys at the gay-dating site would respond to my new look (Enough of your look already! We get it, you became invincible!) And the result was comforting. Those people who earlier rejected me, this time actually found me worthy to proceed. Well, I know there is no need to be surprised. Looks do play a crucial role in this hunting game. But as X points out in Boy Culture,

there is so much energy put into cruising, socialization, fashion, months at the gym ... and finally you get laid.. and never hear from the f**ker again. Then you invest all your energy and money back into grooming, working out, making yourself perfect again for the next leg.

It's like everyone is out there in search for that perfect specimen. And most seems to be not getting that. And very lucky few gets the strength to look past those facades, to accept the real person behind it. My story is somewhat different. I get to interact with three classes of people.

1. The guy has got good looks, but not appearing to have the same wavelength.
2. The guy is of the same wavelength, but scores poor in the looks department.

By now, you must be thinking this must be everyone's situation. Wait, you haven't read the third.

3. The guy has got good looks, same wavelength. (A rare blend!) But then he f**king leaves the country!

Ask my stars and they would agree. Seriously! Someone is really having a blast, playing games on me.

Nowadays whenever I feel the guy in question is of the third kind, I just ask him, "You are soon going to fly, right?" And I don't ever believe in long distance relationships. God bless those souls who were in such situation and made it through or are currently going through such a phase. But I'm not comfortable with the idea of long distance relationship. Nope, it is simply not meant for me.

Check out these related posts too!
Have You Got What It Takes?
The Mostly Unfabulous Social Life Of Crazy Sam

This post is not over yet! Click here to continue reading.

Click here to shrink this post.