Sunday, March 30, 2008

Ask Sam: Help Thy Gay Friend


Hey! I am 23 year old female lining in US, I find your blog very interesting. I have a Desi gay friend who is not out but I found out he is gay by accidentally reading his chat conversation. Well, not accidentally I intended to read it. Lol.. Anyways I know he is hurting and I want him to know that I am there for him. I don't know how to approach this matter. I want him to feel free and open up to me. Your comments will be greatly appreciated. I have changed my name just in case he visits your blog as well.
First of all, thank you very much for your interest in my blog. I'm really happy to know that and it's so nice of you for wanting to help your friend out.

When I read your mail, I couldn't help relating your friend's situation to that of mine, during the time when I was out to nobody. The secret in me was causing so much hurt to such an extent that day and night I was suffering. That's when Phoebe noticed my uneasiness and she asked me what was the matter. I chose not to tell her. I thought she wouldn't get me. But you know what she did? She was not ready to accept my "nothing" and the following days, kept on asking me about what was that bothered me so much. She told me, no matter how bad I think the issue was, sharing it with someone could help lessen the pain. And that's when I chose to come out to her.

I think you can also take a similar approach. You said he is not out to anyone. So I'm guessing that could be the reason, that there is no one whom he could share his thoughts. Don't let him know about the chat conversation, but you can tell him that lately you have noticed him being worried and that you are there for him to discuss about it. Like me if he refuses, you can always try to be with him and build him the confidence to open up. And if he tells you to guess it out by throwing hints (like what happened between me and Phoebe), don't straight away jump to homosexuality. Lol! That might freak him out.

I hope I was helpful. Any of my readers care to put in their two cents worth?

  • Soul Seared Dreamer March 31, 2008 at 2:23 AM

    Well I agree with Sam's opinion.


    I'm quite comfortable with my sexuality, but I still am very hesitant answerin that when asked... I'd rather tell people.

  • pepe M. March 31, 2008 at 4:18 PM

    god bless all the fag hag :)

  • Anonymous April 1, 2008 at 5:07 AM

    I concur with the aforementioned. Be there and love him for being the person you know and treasure...please don't pressure him into answering, or coming out more than necessary.


  • Rambunctious WhipperSnapper April 2, 2008 at 2:18 AM

    not that im such an expert, but the best way would be to tell him that there is nothing that he needs to hide from you and that if there is something eating him up then he should share it with you!! Then give him some time .... and hope for the best!!

  • rowen January 10, 2010 at 6:25 PM

    hey sam, im sorry cause im quite sure this isnt where im suposed to be posting a question.But, i couldnt find any other problem is im 20..and ive never really had a boyfriend, every single guy ive been with (even the love of my life) is STRAIGHT.And every guy ive hooked up with is straight aswell...i live in dubai where its illegal to be gay and recently..i had a accident with myankle, which means i cant walk except on crutches for three months.I cant and dont even feel like attending university, which was the only thing thatuse to keep megoing..i study fashion.And i love it, but of late its scaring me cos even that isnt enough..being gay is ILLEGAL here in get jailtime, deportation or lashing and in some gulf states you can be killed.However dubai is pretty open and as you can asess has alot of closeted/confused fuckups. IM open an proud and notafraid of who i am, never have been an never willbe.But lately..due to this accident im grounded to my bed and all i can think aboutis, what it would be like to be happy..cause i havent been happy since i was 13 oryounger. I close the gapin my life with studying fashion but everything has become the same colour now...i need to make a life altering descision but i need help from all of you..please let me know what you think...because as much as i want to be the next best designer-and i kno i will be..i cant helpbut feel ive lost me completely...thankyou so much for your email is

Subscribe To CSB For Free