Ask Sam: Help Thy Gay Friend

Hey! I am 23 year old female lining in US, I find your blog very interesting. I have a Desi gay friend who is not out but I found out he is gay by accidentally reading his chat conversation. Well, not accidentally I intended to read it. Lol.. Anyways I know he is hurting and I want him to know that I am there for him. I don't know how to approach this matter. I want him to feel free and open up to me. Your comments will be greatly appreciated. I have changed my name just in case he visits your blog as well.

First of all, thank you very much for your interest in my blog. I'm really happy to know that and it's so nice of you for wanting to help your friend out.


When I read your mail, I couldn't help relating your friend's situation to that of mine, during the time when I was out to nobody. The secret in me was causing so much hurt to such an extent that day and night I was suffering. That's when Phoebe noticed my uneasiness and she asked me what was the matter. I chose not to tell her. I thought she wouldn't get me. But you know what she did? She was not ready to accept my "nothing" and the following days, kept on asking me about what was that bothered me so much. She told me, no matter how bad I think the issue was, sharing it with someone could help lessen the pain. And that's when I chose to come out to her.

I think you can also take a similar approach. You said he is not out to anyone. So I'm guessing that could be the reason, that there is no one whom he could share his thoughts. Don't let him know about the chat conversation, but you can tell him that lately you have noticed him being worried and that you are there for him to discuss about it. Like me if he refuses, you can always try to be with him and build him the confidence to open up. And if he tells you to guess it out by throwing hints (like what happened between me and Phoebe), don't straight away jump to homosexuality. Lol! That might freak him out.

I hope I was helpful. Any of my readers care to put in their two cents worth?