Ask Sam: Help Thy Gay Friend

Hey! I am 23 year old female lining in US, I find your blog very interesting. I have a Desi gay friend who is not out but I found out he is gay by accidentally reading his chat conversation. Well, not accidentally I intended to read it. Lol.. Anyways I know he is hurting and I want him to know that I am there for him. I don't know how to approach this matter. I want him to feel free and open up to me. Your comments will be greatly appreciated. I have changed my name just in case he visits your blog as well.

First of all, thank you very much for your interest in my blog. I'm really happy to know that and it's so nice of you for wanting to help your friend out.


When I read your mail, I couldn't help relating your friend's situation to that of mine, during the time when I was out to nobody. The secret in me was causing so much hurt to such an extent that day and night I was suffering. That's when Phoebe noticed my uneasiness and she asked me what was the matter. I chose not to tell her. I thought she wouldn't get me. But you know what she did? She was not ready to accept my "nothing" and the following days, kept on asking me about what was that bothered me so much. She told me, no matter how bad I think the issue was, sharing it with someone could help lessen the pain. And that's when I chose to come out to her.

I think you can also take a similar approach. You said he is not out to anyone. So I'm guessing that could be the reason, that there is no one whom he could share his thoughts. Don't let him know about the chat conversation, but you can tell him that lately you have noticed him being worried and that you are there for him to discuss about it. Like me if he refuses, you can always try to be with him and build him the confidence to open up. And if he tells you to guess it out by throwing hints (like what happened between me and Phoebe), don't straight away jump to homosexuality. Lol! That might freak him out.

I hope I was helpful. Any of my readers care to put in their two cents worth?

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Yet Another Shout Out!

Mark Leslie Woods at Mordechai Razing Ziggurats remarks:

Crazy Sam's Bloginess is apolitical casual male sex with easy conversation blogspace. From time to time we post our web surfing finds -- thought you all might enjoy this unassumingly gentle gay gem.

Unassumingly gentle gay gem? Wow!! I'm flattered! Thank you Mark! It's very encouraging to see you guys are actually finding my blog interesting. Nope, I'm not being modest. Ask my friends, they will have hundreds of instances to prove how narcissistic I can be. One even told me that I might be suffering from delusions of grandeur. Lol!


Mark's post also has a screenshot of this page. I always wanted to see how my blog would appear on a widescreen and thanks to Mark, I got to see that. Click here to read the Mordechai Razing Ziggurats post.

Check out these related posts too!
Another Shout Out!
A Shout Out!
Blog Reviewed

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Gays And Mothers

Recently one of my friends, who is from Mexico had to come out to his mother because his ex-boyfriend threatened him that unless he got back together with him, he would let my friend's mother know about her son's sexual preference. Even though he wasn't planning of doing it in the near future, but in order to take away the power from his ex-boyfriend of hurting him and his family, he came out to his mother. But this turned out to be a blessing in disguise instead. She accepted the truth and told him if that’s the way he chose to live his life, and if he was happy, then she didn't have anything to say about it. She also said to him that he needn't worry about his ex-boyfriend contacting her because she just wouldn't let him get to her.

And after reading RambWS's come out (his very first!) to his mother, I thought I could share here some experiences that happened with my mother.

One time my mother was talking to me and a folder suddenly popped open and there she sees all the scantly dressed men in all their erotic poses!! Eeeks! I don't know how she felt about me. And there was another time when she caught me watching a straight porn. I was watching a guy banging a gal and I was so immersed in appreciating the beauty of the act that I didn't hear the sound of the door opening. And then I heard her voice, "What are you watching?" I closed everything and looked at her. She was smiling. Again I don't know what she thought about me. May be I am now giving her mixed signals.

Then another time, when I and my mother were watching T.V. I was just flipping through the channels and suddenly I stopped, seeing a news report about gays in India. I wanted to watch, but knowing that my mother was also in the same room, I changed to the next channel. (I used to watch Will & Grace with my mother, though.) Later I posted this experience to a gay forum and among the many responses I got, this was the outstanding one:

Hi. I am unable to post on the forums but I saw your thread about coming out in India. I am Indian and came out to my parents almost 14 years ago. First to my mom and then she told my dad. Trust me, it was no big deal. If your parents truly care and love you - then they will not even care if you are gay. Mine cared about me ending up alone, but that's about it. I'm even out to my grandparents and all my cousins, aunts and uncles. Yes sometimes people pass a comment or so, but be secure with yourself and everything will be fine. Also remember one thing. Parents have a special bond with their kids. So if you are thinking your mom already doesn't know, then you are wrong. She does know you are gay. All mothers do. It's nothing you can change, nor can your parents change it about you. So next time you are caught in an awkward situation with your mom watching gay stuff on the T.V, then how about smiling away and asking your mom right there, "What do you think about this?" See how she reacts. Maybe she encourages it and that would make it a lot easier for you to come out. There is nothing to be ashamed of in front of your parents. If you are gay and you know it, then it's a big part of your life that your parents deserve to know of as well. By not telling them - you are just lying and keeping them in the dark, giving them false hopes for your future. I am not pushing you to come out - it's totally up to you - but put signals out and see how they react before you take the big step of coming out completely. Good luck.

Amazing, right? It's heartening to know some Indian parents are accepting homosexuality even though there is lot of homophobia and misconception about gays.

Summer In My Veins (1999) is a short documentary film in which Nishit Sharan, a gay Indian who was studying film-making in Harvard, films himself coming out to his mother. The documentary also deals with his anxiety of having slept with a guy who was infected with HIV.

To view the video below, enter password as 'samsbloginess' (without the quotes) and press the play button.

I hate to end this post with a sad note, but Nishit Saran was killed three years later on April 24, 2002 in India when the car in which he was a passenger was hit by a truck. The Nishit Saran Foundation is set up by his parents in his memory.

Check out these related posts too!
You Are Gay!

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iPod Which One?

Ever since I decided to buy an iPod, I am confused. I am not a spendthrift, so I feel like I am entering uncharted waters whenever I decide to spend more than the usual. I want to take a sensible decision so that I may not regret later for splurging on something that didn't give me what I expected. Or even worse, when I learn that I could've had an even better one at a much lesser price! I am a hardcore audiophile, so the quality of sound is of paramount priority to me. And iPods have proved again and again that they are always an audiophile's best friend. But then again, Apple presents you variants of iPod that trigger questions. Why is one priced lower than the other, is it because the sound quality of the former is lower than the latter or is it because the former has lesser features? Which one is easier to handle, more comfortable to fit inside the pocket of a jeans, more work-out friendly, more dapper and so on..


Thanks to Digit, they have helped me to narrow down my choices to three. And they are:
1. iPod Nano 3G 8GB
2. iPod Touch 8 GB
3. iPod Classic 80GB

iPod Nano 3G 8GB scores big time in audio quality and also because it is so damn small, it could fit easily in a pocket. Therefore an ideal companion for work out. Battery life is 19.2 hours. Priced at Rs.11,500 ($285 US), owning an iPod that has abundant memory has never ever become so cushy.

iPod Touch 8GB surpasses Nano in audio quality and also gives us 3.5 inch display. But my worry is whether they are work-out friendly because they are larger. Also it can burn a hole in your pocket with its price tag set at Rs.17,700 ($438 US) although Digit says you don't have to look elsewhere if money is no concern.

I thought, anyways since I would not be buying another iPod in the coming few years, it would be better to spend a few 1000 bucks more and own the fabulous iPod Touch than to settle with iPod Nano. But then I read about iPod Classic 80GB which again brought me back to square one. The cool thing about iPod Classic is that it has got a whooping 80GB memory and that too at a price of Rs.15,500 ($383 US). What would you choose, 8GB for Rs.17,700 ($438 US) or 80GB for Rs.15,500 ($383 US)? But the catch is that iPod Classic doesn't reach up to iPod Touch or iPod Nano in terms of sound quality. But there is only an insignificant quality difference though. Or would that become a significant difference when I hear from an iPod Touch afterwards? Also iPod Classic is slightly heavy and large, adding concern regarding work-out friendliness. But I could use the remaining massive memory to store movies and data, so it could be an ideal portable drive too.


See what I mean? I'm so confused! PLEASE HELP ME!!! Which iPod would you choose if your budget is Rs.18,000 ($445 US)?

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