Ask Sam: Entangled With A Married Guy

Ola!!
I came across your blog through some site which listed top gay blogs. I must say, they were pretty spot on by placing your name on the list. I saw that run sort of an Uncle Agony section here as well, so here's my problem that I would like to get your opinion/advice on.

I met this guy online, we talked quite a good number of times at night. I casually flirted with him, NOT sex talk but just flirting. After a couple of nights I felt as if his replies are getting serious. More than that I got to know he's newly married. He told me that himself and asked me if it would be a problem. Not wanting to make him feel bad I replied in negative, saying it's not a problem. Now he's gotten really into me and I don't have any feelings for him. Moreover I'm feeling guilty like crazy ever since I got to know he's married. He's 22. I'm 19. I didn't expect a 22 year old dude to be married.
PLEASE HELP ME OUT!!

I haven't contacted him since five days and his offliners on yahoo are sounding delusional now.

Umair

Ola Umair! You said he asked whether his marital status would be a problem. But problem for what? When you guys chatted initially, what was that you both looked forward to, what did you guys want those night calls to transform into? So I’m assuming three possible scenarios – a relationship, a hook up or a platonic friendship.

It is obvious that you were not expecting a relationship from him. But I’m not sure whether he is looking for that. If he is, then you gotta let him know that you are not interested in having affair with a married guy.

If you guys had hit it off hoping to end up in bed (before he revealed his marital status), I think you should go forward. If the married guy is fine with it, why should you be feeling bad? It is his concern and even if you choose not to accept his invite, I’m sure he will find another guy and satisfy his needs. In most cases, this will be a onetime thingy and suppose if you both enter into ‘a friendship with benefit’ deal, even then I would say go for it. Again, it is his concern.

Now the third scenario i.e., a platonic friendship which I don’t think is that much of a possibility. Even then if that is indeed the situation, why should you run away from it? You might be a relief for him coz he finds you comfortable enough to open up and share his feelings. Even I think 22 is too early for a guy to get married (may be he was forced? I dunno. I’m just trying to imagine different possibilities.) But I definitely want you to respond to him. And if possible, try to have a meet with him. Often what we expect and what we get in real are quite different and puts things in a different perspective.

And please do let us know what you decided to do finally. Any readers wanna share their wisdom?

Check out these related posts too!
Ask Sam: Closeted But Acting Homophobic
Ask Sam: Gay Or Not
Ask Sam: 4th Time Unlucky?