Ask Sam: Closeted But Acting Homophobic

I haven't come out of the closet and am pretty uptight about not letting anyone guess the truth unless I want them to. That's why I act a bit homophobic around my friends cause it feels like the ultimate safeguard to not let them suspect. But I feel terrible whenever I pass a comment like "That's so gay..." or calling a friend a fag when he wears a pink tee. What should I do?

Leo

Leo, I know how uncomfortable and insecure you feel about being gay. One of the greatest issues of us closeted gays are that we always feel we are being watched and constantly have the urge to protect ourselves and not let out even a single hint that we are gay. Our movements and thoughts become so constricted. Majority of us (closeted homosexuals) prefer not to react when subjected to something that relates to homosexuality. We are scared to raise our opinion thinking it would ultimately lead to outing ourselves. But then there are some, which is your case, who finds cover by acting homophobic. I’m glad that you realize what you are doing is wrong and wish to stop it. Because your actions are in a way helping to spread homophobia and also you may never know there may be someone getting hurt by your comments.

First thing you should do is to resist the itch to show people that you are a homophobe. You don’t need that false-safeguard. For the time being, the ideal approach could be to force yourself to keep mum when the situation makes you uneasy. Second, you need to be comfortable with your sexuality. However hard it might seem, try to accept and embrace your sexual orientation. Make yourself believe that here is nothing unmanly about being gay and you are as equal as your straight pals. And once you reach a stage where you don’t feel ashamed to tell yourself that you are gay, when a discussion or casual conversation regarding homosexuality happens among your peers, try to voice your genuine opinion. This is the age where straight people take courage to talk supportive about gays. So don’t be surprised to find some of your friends backing your point of view!

As usual, I request readers to put forward your thoughts at the comment section and help our Leo to overcome his dilemma.

I dedicate this post to a crazy fan of CSB whose birthday is falling on 2nd December. He was concerned about the lack of new posts appearing on this site. I hope he liked this early birthday gift! :-)

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