Sunday, March 18, 2012

Ask Sam: I Need Help


[Image] Crazy Sam's Bloginess: I Need Help

Dear Sam,

I am 19 years old. I am out to only a few of my friends. You probably get dozens of emails with the same problem everyday. But I would still request you to help me out. I dunno, when I came out to my friends I thought things would get better. But they haven't. I still feel all alone. I want to meet more people like me. I don't want just friends, but a boyfriend :P

But I can't possibly do that until I come out completely, can I?

So I have this weird feeling of being stuck all the time. I have college exams coming up soon. But I can't study. I can't afford to screw up my grades. What will a talentless gay nerd with lousy grades accomplish in life!

So how about you writing an initiation guide for all 19 year olds who are stuck and are all alone?

Please do reply as soon as possible. I really do need to talk to someone. I would love it if I could have a reply as soon as I send it. But that's too much to hope for isn't it?

Yours scared and terrified,

Dear Moviebuff,

I have been through the same situation as yours, so I can understand what you are going through. We all want to be in love, to be with that special someone. I hope your friends were supportive when you came out to them. But you don't have to be out and open to find your guy. You will still be able to find your guy without letting anyone know. You can find similar-interested guys at gay dating sites or even on Facebook.

But right now, what you must give priority should be your studies. Searching for love is best when you are settled down, financially independent and when you have a nice job. Trust me, I wasted lot of my time during your age looking for love. In the end, I got lesser grades than my classmates and they have gotten through big MNCs and are enjoying big pay cheques. My life got derailed in the meanwhile, tried so hard to make everything ok, but was only partly successful. If I could turn back the time, I would have spent all those times in studying and not for finding a boyfriend.

Love is a gift. You don't necessarily have to search for it. It just happens. The more you try to chase it, the farther it goes. But it doesn't mean you just hope that love would knock at your doorstep without doing anything. You have to keep your options open to meet and socialize with guys. But now is not the right time for all that. Probably you can explore meeting guys after your exams.

Now just think that whatever time you invest in studying, you will be rewarded in terms of grades, and then a job and a boyfriend at a later stage.

All the best!

Check out these related posts too!
Ask Sam: Confused About Sexuality
Ask Sam: Entangled With A Married Guy
Ask Sam: Closeted But Acting Homophobic

  • Derric March 18, 2012 at 5:32 PM

    Hey MovieBuff,

    You are 19, hot and happening, remember that. It not the time to waste thinking about all the sad and tension inducing things.

    If i was you elder bro, and you had come to me saying that you grades are low because of this then i definitely would have smacked your head. Coming out , feeling alone dos not equals your exam performances. Have fun enjoy what you do.

    Now as for feeling lonely, everyone does it. Even if you are gay or hetro, single or married, its a feeling. Have some good friends around you what ever the orientation is. (ofcourse if they are straight make sure, are not The only way to get out of loneliness is keeping yourself engaged, not following a routine life, and sometimes getting crazy. If all these doesn't work i sometimes listen to music, watch sad movies and shed some tears. Its phase it will pass. or if you have gay friends just bitch (in a good way) to them, it definitely works.


  • Jits K March 18, 2012 at 10:03 PM

    Totally second the point... concentrate on studies for now. Love will happen eventually, at 19 you just need to think about your career.

    And ya you don't have to screaming from roof tops about your sexuality to have a boyfriend.

    Just remember moviebuff the more you put in your studies the more comfortable your life would be, the more independent you would be and more attractive you would be to a sensible guy who would settle down with you !

  • aditya shankar March 20, 2012 at 10:18 AM

    hey there,

    i am 19, and have felt the same, so listen carefully.

    before i start an intro. i am an undergraduate freshman and almost out to all my frnds and siblings. i have come to realise after coming out that all the insecurities are just in one's head, once one decides to grow over it, all vanish, and everythn becomes alright.

    and padhia ki jahan tak baat hai, padho yaar, usme kya problem hai, infact padhai se timepass accha hota hai. it would help you divert your mind from sexuality related turmoils temporarily.
    Meanwhile, on a lighter note, i would suggest, make more girlfriends, come out to them and check out other guys with them. If you have made frnds with guys all ur life and expct them to "bee watch" with you once you come out, thats not gonna happen! girls are the best alternative :P

    in short, enjoy life, socialise (more within the gay circle), and padho. grades lao, ma-baapu ka nam roshan karo, aakhir ye aapke sanskar hain :P... haha, chalo i need to get back to Electricity Magnetism for now.


    p.s. recall kungfu panda- " Yesterday Is History,Tomorrow Is A Mystery,Today Is A Gift,Thats Why They Call It The Present"

  • Candid Critic August 9, 2012 at 10:40 PM

    So I am 19 too, and I love this day for for running into this blog.

    @Moviebuff, If I were to send a letter, it would have every single word of yours, this is exactly what I am going through, BTW where are you from?

    @Aditya Shankar, My demographic sense is kind of good, so you belong to India, I get that from your name. Buddy, I don't wanna sound all dramatic and cynical, but at least I can't even consider coming out to anybody, and I need not explain why, I just can't. May be i am not ready to 'Fight Back' because lets face it, there are millions of homophobes waiting to just pick on us! But good you are coping well :) :)

    @CrazySam, I am so glad.
    Just so happy to see there's something like this. Plus I read this in your 'How Out is Your Underwear?'.."if a gal is comfortable enough to tell you that she needs to pee, she most probably knows that you are gay"
    I laughed, and suddenly got cranky, that's a sign uhh!

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