Aligarh - A Movie Done Right

When Ishani Banerjee (my ex-colleague) told me that she is working on a story about a gay man for a Bollywood film, my only request to her was to try to stay away from the usual stereotypical jokes and representations used against LGBT community. She said it will be a very different film, and promised to be a great one too.

And that's what I experienced when Aligarh showed me the life of Professor Shrinivas Ramchandra Siras, who was a victim of sting operation that exposed his private moments to the outside world - which also led to his suspension from the Aligarh university. Aligarh is very serious in its cause, one that understands the societal ostracisation and contempt that the gay community fears about, if they come out. It is a reflection of the fact that how even when the law is favourable towards the LGBT community (Section 377 was decriminalized by the Delhi High Court during that time), the troubles for them are far from over if the mindset of the society doesn't change.

From the starting frame to the ending one, the movie has an undercurrent of loneliness - the one that was experienced by Professor Siras (and also by many closeted gays). There would be only very handful of movies from Bollywood that give a respectful and sensible characterization of a homosexual person like how Aligarh has done. I especially loved the portrayal of the kiss exchanged between a man and a woman, with the next scene that of between a man and man. Interestingly, the first one happens in public and the latter happens in the private confines of a room for which Professor Siras had to go through the ordeals of being shamed and alienated.

Aligarh is a bold attempt of telling about the violation and unfairness done towards Professor Siras. Through that, it also casts light on the predicaments suffered by India's LGBT community as it is - without any masala. And that makes this movie a must-watch.

Trailer of Aligarh:

Check out these related posts too!
Homosexuality in 'Bombay Talkies' - 2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Backward
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Dostana

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CSB Promotion - My Son Is Gay

When Lokesh Kumar attended the Indian LGBT film festivals, he found that there were not many Indian movies made on alternate sexualites. Being an ardent film buff, he had always wanted to be part of cinema. But without proper contacts and knowledge and finance, he found it difficult to move forward. Even then, he felt it was important to portray this subject and made his first movie about the acceptance of a guy’s homosexuality by his elder brother. Now a few short films later, Lokesh has emerged himself as an independent filmmaker, who wants to highlight the social issues that move him through his films. ‘My Son Is Gay’ is his very first venture in incarnating that intention.

The Writer and Director of 'My Son Is Gay,' Lokesh Kumar

The movie ‘My Son Is Gay,’ tries to portray the emotional journey of an Indian mother when her son comes out to her as homosexual. It also deals with what the gay son goes through being in a society which denies him the identity, acceptance, love and affection. Emphasizing the relevance of his movie, Lokesh points out, “I see that the LGBT community is facing lot of rejections by the society. Though it is not a much talked about topic in our country, it is happening a lot secretly – within our hearts, within our minds. This movie hopes to foster the acceptance of LGBT children and understand their emotions.”

The two main characters – the son and the mother – are played by actors Nakshatra Bagwe and Anupama Kumar respectively.

A scene from the movie, 'My Son Is Gay'

Nakshatra has been involved in films on queer themes since his debut movie and this will be his eighth film based on homosexuality. Being an openly gay man, he is well aware of the stereotypes that get propagated vis-à-vis the actual reality. For Nakshatra, this was a dream come true project when Lokesh approached him for the role. “When I watched ‘Prayers for Bobby,’ I had wished for movies on similar theme to be made in India. It is important for all of us to make our voices heard in the mainstream and I want to portray us in a positive realistic manner,” he asserts.

Anupama has been dabbling with theatre since she was 5 and she claims to be the designated family entertainer. A few hundred ad films later, Anupama now feels that she has reached where she wanted to be, doing the kind of cinema she had always wanted to be involved in. “I have many gay friends and like everyone else, they also are victims of this prejudice. When we were shooting the ‘coming out’ scene, Nakshatra broke down as it was very close to his heart. That insight made us all realize how real this issue is.”

When Lokesh came up with this project, there were people who questioned his choice of selecting a gay-themed subject and he had to make them realize its importance. “I’m good at pitching my project and no one can influence me on the topic I choose to film. Initially some technicians and actors had the reservation that it might brand them as LGBT. But once we found the right people who see cinema as an art, we focused on making the film and the theme became irrelevant.” Even then the challenges to make this movie are not eased. “In indie film making, every day is a challenge. And for a theme like this, the challenges give a multiplier effect when it comes to funding, promotions, sourcing the right talent, bringing stars to make the project mainstream, managing social media and so on,” Lokesh explains.

The movie is currently under production and the makers are hopeful to complete the film through crowd-funding. 25 percent of the movie has been completed and the team has come out with a trailer-cum-pitch video to encourage contribution from the public. "It’s now purely in the audience’s hands. We wish to complete the movie at the earliest, hope the people will open up their hearts and contribute to the project. Do support us and we will give a great movie which India has never seen before, a movie which is crucial for our country,” Lokesh stresses.

The trailer cum pitch video of 'My Son Is Gay'

The contributions to the movie (as low as INR 100 or $1) can be done at http://fundmydream.in/campaigns/my-son-is-gay

Movie Facebook page: 
https://www.facebook.com/MySonisGayTheMovie

Check out these related posts too!
CSB Promotion - Pandora's Box
CSB Promotion - Chennai Rainbow Film Festival 2013
CSB Promotion - KASHISH Mumbai International Queer Film Festival 2013

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The Fifth Kerala Queer Pride March

Photography by Sreejith K Soman

Ever since I returned to Kochi after my five years in Mumbai, I am sensing a different vibe from the current generation - a vibe of open-mindedness, of cosmopolitanism and of breaking away from the conservative shackles exhibited by the previous generations. That feeling was proved true when almost 500 people gathered in Kochi last Saturday to march for the 5th Kerala Queer Pride.

A major chunk of the participants were straight supporters who feel strongly for the LGBT rights cause. Varkey Parakal, a class 12 student, feels that this is a human rights cause as well. "I have always been a supporter for causes regarding human rights and the LGBT rights are not any different." They were also not worried about getting labeled as gay while supporting the cause. There were straight supporters who held placards that shouted, ‘Happy Being Gay.’ Mohini Mohandas, another class 12 student says, “I don’t mind being called lesbian, bisexual etc. Because it would be like a person getting my age wrong - something harmless and correctable.”

Photography by Surjith S Pai

The pride march is also a group therapy of sorts for the gay people and the watching public, opines Kishor Kumar, a software engineer and writer who had come all the way from Calicut - a few districts north of Kochi. “Most members of the LGBT community live in constant fear and shame; this is a chance for them to witness the support and acceptance showered by the public.”

Photography by Surjith S Pai

The Kochi queer pride march had many firsts to it. 

- This was the first time a queer pride happened in Kochi. Previous editions were held in the neighbouring district of Thrissur and once in Calicut.

- This was the first queer pride that was held in Kerala after the Supreme Court struck down the earlier Delhi High Court verdict which had decriminalized non-penile-vaginal sexual acts.

- This was the first pride march in Kerala which saw people, barring one or two, marching without any mask.

- Kerala queer prides started happening after the High Court verdict, hence all the previous versions were celebrations of sorts. This time, now with the Supreme Court verdict, the pride also had the flavour of protest - demanding to do away with the Section 377 law.

- The Kochi queer pride also saw the highest participation so far compared to any of the previous Kerala queer pride editions.

Photography by Surjith S Pai

Photography by Surjith S Pai

The pride march was flagged off by the celebrity and TV personality, Ranjini Haridas, who had spoken passionately in favour of the LGBT community in a news interview at the time of the Supreme Court verdict. Before the flag off, she addressed the gathering saying, "As a woman I feel safer in the company of people from the LGBT community. They are some of the most passionate, talented and honest people I know." In an interview with Deccan Chronicle, she further adds, "We are brought up in a society where heterosexual relations are a norm and anything else is considered immoral. However, if you ask anyone in the LGBT community, they will tell you it's not really a choice, that they were born this way."

Celebrity and TV Personality, Ranjini Haridas | Photography by Ajay Paul

Ranjini Haridas with Kerala Queer Pride participants | 
Photography by Sreejith K Soman

By now the monsoon clouds were gathering fast, darkening the sky. But it felt like even the nature was supporting the cause - throughout the 90 minute walk, not even a drop of rain tried to interrupt us. From the premises of the Kerala High Court, the march commenced with a group of Harleys leading the way. A line of police accompanying on one side to control the participants and traffic, the procession inched forward shouting slogans - “My Body My Right!”, “Section 377 Down Down!” While the band played popular Malayalam and Hindi songs, some participants danced to the tunes, some waved the rainbow flags and colourful balloons; some held the placards with pro-LGBT messages – a visual which was a first for the Kochi public, attracting many curious onlookers. The pride walk finally culminated at the Rajendra Maidan, post which the public meeting and cultural performances were held at the nearby Mahrajas College hall.

The Head of Alternative Law Forum, Arvind Narain (on the right, holding the flag) | Photography by Surjith S Pai

The transgender rights activist, Kalki Subramaniam | Photography by Surjith S Pai

The fifth Kerala Queer Pride march was organized by Queer Pride Keralam – a coalition of approximately 30 organizations working on art, culture, social, human rights and environmental issues. Apart from Ranjini Haridas, this year’s march saw the presence of well-known personalities such as Kalki Subramaniam - the transgender rights activist from Chennai, Shahabaz Aman – the Malayalam playback singer, Rekha Raj – the Dalit rights activist and Arvind Narain – one of the prominent lawyers fighting the Section 377 case in the Supreme Court and the Head of Alternative Law Forum, Bangalore. A memorandum aimed to be presented to the Kerala government, which puts forward the many urgent needs of sexuality minorities of Kerala, was also signed by hundreds of people who attended the public meeting.

Photography by Ajay Paul

Photography by Surjith S Pai

Photography by Surjith S Pai

To see more photos of the Kochi pride march, click here.

Check out these related posts too!
Why It Is Important For Parents To Tell Their Kids To Be Gay Friendly
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Bangalore Gay Pride March Montage By Amar Mitra

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CSB Xclusive! Unni Mukundan - The Gay Icon Of South India

Very few would be unaware of Unni Mukundan, the South Indian sensation and heartthrob for girls and guys alike. He came to the silver screen just three years ago, but his popularity has skyrocketed even within such short span, making him one of the most desirable actors in the Malayalam cinema. The reason is simple. Unni represents the current generation's concept of a Malayalee hunk. With his good looks and equally well maintained physique, only very few South Indian actors oozes sexual appeal like him. From playing roles of romantic lead, hero, villain to character roles and even acting as a 60 year old man, Unni has tried to take up wide range of personas in these three years to showcase his versatility.

Interestingly, Unni never had an acting background. After completing school, he was working in a call center in Gujarat. But soon he became bored of the monotonous life of BPO. He decided to try his luck in the film industry. “When I was thinking of getting into films, I wanted to be a director because he is the top most authority who takes the shots.” So he searched the contact details of Lohithadas - the well known screenwriter, playwright, director, and producer in Malayalam cinema and forwarded his photographs to him. “Lohithadas Sir replied saying he will call me after 30 days and exactly one month later, he did. I was training under him for almost one and a half years. He offered me a role in his film, but then he suffered a sudden demise.” Unni finally got his debut film in Tamil and ended up playing Prithviraj’s character in the Tamil remake of Malayalam hit, ‘Nandanam.’ (Coincidently, ‘Nandanam’ is Prithviraj’s first movie as well.)

"Thankfully, I have never been out of work ever since." In fact, Unni Mukundan's dates are already filled with four movies where he is playing the lead. He does only one movie at a time and he has just wrapped up the shooting of ‘The Last Supper’, which will also be showcasing Unni’s physique as never before. “I had to lose almost 15 kilos for the role.” This required him to take up an exhaustive workout routine. He had to burn fat as fast as possible because only few weeks were left post wrapping up the previous film. “I train for two and half hours in the day and another 40 minutes in the evening. I do lots of cardio as well as weight training. Even though I have lost 15 kilos, I have tried to maintain my muscular physique.”

During his school days, Unni used to be slim and he often got bullied by other boys. “I couldn’t stand up for myself because I was so low in my confidence about my physique. I was told I was thin and weak, even though I hardly remember falling sick. This made me introvert and unconfident. I wore full sleeve shirts. I remember I had experienced problems in speaking as well.”

It was then Unni’s mother who advised him to start working out to ward off his insecurity feelings. He started exercising at the age of 15. He used all the anger and frustration which he felt towards his bullies to push himself at the gym. Unni says that brought a host of positive changes into his life. “Everything about me improved after I started exercising. My personality, the way I talk, my confidence.. By the time I reached college I was considered as one of the fittest guys around.”

Now exercising is like a meditation for Unni. “I have been in various states of body types that one can label. Skinny, lean, bulky, muscular, athlete, whatever forms you can think of. And I realized if you are trying to please other’s expectations with your physique, you will always be doing only that. One should work out for the sole aim of keeping fit and nothing else. It’s all about conquering yourself by trying to push your limits. And when you succeed in achieving that, it will help you gain confidence in yourself.”

Not surprisingly, Unni Mukundan has become the motivation for countless young guys to take up working out seriously. Through the Facebook page managed solely by him, he receives mails of gratitude and appreciation for inspiring them. “It is a great feeling to know that I was a cause of happiness in someone’s life. I started the page to get direct feedback from my viewers. My fans may not be able to meet me or talk to me when they see me in public. But through my page, they will be able to share their frank opinions and suggestions. “

So does he get messages from gay guys too? “Yes, I do. I appreciate that they see me as a gay icon. Sometimes the messages are very personal and they try to approach in a very emotional way.” But Unni understands that there is nothing to be offended about. “I don’t get repulsed when I receive such messages and I don’t question them why they have to feel that way towards a man. I know it is a natural feeling just the way I would feel for a woman.”

The exposure of being bullied and made to feel powerless during childhood makes it easier for Unni to feel all the more for the community. “I know how it feels when someone tries to exert their power on you. I have few gay friends and I realize their life is difficult. But I believe over the course of time, the LGBT community should find the strength to live openly without thinking how others would react. It’s your world that should matter first and then think about others.”

But he also gives a word of caution, “The gay community should be careful about their actions and they should act responsibly. Being a minority, it is a task to get accepted by the society. Their actions today will decide how they will be treated tomorrow, so they have to work towards a better life for their younger brothers.”

In future, if Unni is offered the role of a gay character, he says he will be willing to take it ahead. He also hopes that it could help the community in getting the much needed visibility to steer away from the stereotypes that usually gets associated with them. "Personally I feel, a gay character should not be just used for portraying sex. I would like to highlight other emotions and phases of a gay man. Before taking up the role, I would love to sit with a gay guy and understand him, what it is like to live a gay life in India and what he had to go through.”

So is he open to spreading his charm in Bollywood too? “I’m really open to acting in Hindi films. I’m fluent in Hindi because all my childhood and teenage were spent in Gujarat. If I get an interesting script and a proper launch, why not?”

Check out these related posts too! 
CSB Xclusive! Nav Sihag 
CSB Xclusive! Nolan Lewis - Mr. Gay India 2013
CSB Xclusive! Rajeev Govinda Pillai

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CSB In Conversation With Blake Woodhams

South African photographer, Blake Woodhams is no outlander to Indian culture. Durban being his hometown, which is home to the largest population of Indians outside of India, Blake finds Indian culture and food close to his heart. 

Being brought up in a country where gay and straight people enjoy equal rights, Blake feels that the world knows of the problems that gay Indians are facing, but there is no face or personality on the issue. But Blake has come up with an interesting concept to address this. He aims to showcase these faces by composing an exhibition that will travel South Africa (where human rights are a big deal) to bring awareness and make our plight personal to South Africans. Similarly he will be photographing gay people in South Africa, who enjoy all the same rights as straight people and bring it to India as an exhibition. By involving both the countries, he wants to showcase the two sets to the world - one, where gays are treated as second class citizens and the other, where they are considered as equals.

Currently in Mumbai, Blake shares his thoughts with CSB readers on the recent Supreme Court 377 verdict, his project on Indian LGBT that brings him to the city and his views on South African anti-apartheid revolutionary, Nelson Mandela who was seen as an equal rights champion.

Crazy Sam (CS): Welcome to India! Guess this is your first visit to our country. 

Blake Woodhams (BW): No, actually it will be my second trip! I was lucky enough to visit late in 2008 for 10 days. 7 days in Mumbai with 3 in Goa. The trip was very short and I felt like a proper tourist. The highlights were making a new friend and being bitten with a curiosity to visit Mumbai again. 

CS: So is there something that you are particularly looking forward to? 

BW: This trip, I am most excited about spending time in the suburbs, seeing the park, catching trains and mostly, after hosting him so many times in Johannesburg, I am looking very forward to seeing where my friend Nolan Lewis (Mr. Gay India 2013) lives, meeting his friends and being able to experience his life. 

CS: Could you tell us something about your photography? 

BW: With each client, brief and shoot, the message changes slightly, but I do have one master theme. The underlying message of all my work, even my commercial & corporate work, is hope. My aim is always to find the best in a person and make that the centre of the message for that image. 

As Indians, you will understand the poverty of Africa, even if you have never been there. South Africa is a place where there are lots of poverty but also lots of hope. It's a message I want to share. I believe that hope is something we can nurture and, when it has momentum, it can change the course of history. 

CS: Currently what all assignments are keeping you busy? 

BW: Any photographer that says a particular assignment keeps him busy for too long is either not busy or not good! (Laughs) 

Assignments come in, are evaluated, executed and we move on to the next. I love my career and how different every shoot is, but they don’t stay for long and I am constantly being attracted to the challenge of the next one. 

However, the highlight for January 2014 was two shoots for Food & Home magazine in South Africa. Both were challenging and fun. 

The first was a food feature on potatoes. Potatoes are one of my favourite foods but they’re quite simple looking things and it was a challenge to make the photographs interesting and "delicious". 

The second shoot was for a celebrity feature. 6 South African celebrities were asked: "If you had one more day to live, what would your last meal be?” I photographed the 3 from Johannesburg, while another photographer shot the 3 from Cape Town. The location I used is a recently refurbished theatre and the red velvet, red carpet and red wallpaper made for a fantastic palette. The interesting part was that each photographer got to shoot half of a double page spread - one half of the dinner table in Johannesburg and the other half in Cape Town. Then an individual editorial portrait of each with their meal. I would have loved to share the pics with you all but the month of issue is April, so until then, unfortunately I can’t share anything. 

CS: That is quite interesting! I know you are in India to pursue a project. Could you share details about that? And how can people approach you to be part of this? 

BW: I am in India to grow my network, produce an Indian portfolio of work and spend time in a city I’ve fallen in love with. I’m open for bookings but, while I’m in India, I am going to be working on a personal project too. It is this project that I would like to share and invite participants. 

My plan is to help change the way India and the rest of the world sees India's LGBT community. I've come up with an idea for an exhibition. If you've felt like you wanted to do something to help your community, now is your chance. If you are happy to be photographed by me and answer a few questions, please email me to find out more. 

CS: What do you feel about the recent judgment by the Indian Supreme Court on Section 377? According to you, how should the Indian LGBT movement proceed at this juncture? 

BW: Your battle is for recognition. The first step is to make yourselves known. As a community, you have no identity. Without identity you cannot be recognized. 

Some brave individuals are making themselves known. You should join them and show your country who you are. 

People’s perception of homosexuality changes when they personally know someone who is gay. It is easy for a straight person to condemn gay people, but when their brother or cousin or son is gay, their love for you will spread to the community at large. 

CS: What would you like to tell Indian LGBT in terms of gaining acceptance or seen as equals by the straight people? 

BW: As gay people, we are more often judged for lack of morals than we are for loving someone of the same sex. 

Too many gay men become immoral and full of lust. We can’t expect the straight community to respect us if we treat each other like meat. Stay true to the principles and teaching that your parents gave you. Be good men who treat others with respect and love. 

CS: So how is Johannesburg in terms of openness to LGBT culture? 

BW: South Africa has one of the most liberal and free constitutions in the world. Even though many of our cultures are old and strict, as a nation we recognize everyone’s right to be themselves. 

Many people still feel that homosexuality is wrong or they don't understand it yet, but our law protects us and many people stand up for LGBT rights. We have the right to marry and adopt children. With leaders like Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu, we are very blessed. 

CS: Nelson Mandela was seen as an LGBT rights champion and I believe he was considered as a gay icon by South Africans. How did he handle the anti-LGBT views? 

BW: As you probably know, black people were oppressed under the apartheid government. Gay persecution was just as bad, if not worse sometimes, than black rights. However the advantage was that you can hide being gay, you can't hide being black. 

Nelson Mandela wasn't only a black leader, he was a leader for all of South Africa. He championed true democracy, not just for his fellow black people, but for all people. He wasn't pro-gay. He was only pro-democracy and pro-equality. He didn't fight for gay rights, he fought for all people's rights. 

The beauty of the "struggle", as it's known in South Africa, is that it was a fight by all people for all people. The enemy was a supremacist white Afrikaner government and some of the white population, while the rest of the country either turned a blind eye or fought for a free and equal state, led by Nelson Mandela.

Nelson Mandela showed South Africa, by example, that if we want to be truly free, we must give everyone else their freedom too. 

CS: And lastly, what do you think about Indian men? And any bollywood hero that you are particularly fond of? :-) 

BW: You shouldn't ask me questions about the visual realm if you want a short answer! ;-) 

I’d like to separate those 2 questions, but answer them together. 

My appreciation of Indian men is not well represented by the Bollywood that I’m familiar with. To me, the beauty of an Indian man is in the subtle contrast between pitch-black hair and the deep brass-brown of his skin. 

Light bouncing off healthy skin, wet hair, the white of teeth or from around onyx eyes is captivating. It’s the reason that gold and brightly coloured, ornate fabrics look so good on Indian people. Your physical palette is designed for highlights and sparkle. 

To finish my answer, even though it's the most likely response, I must say that I most captivated by Amitabh Bachchan and Shah Rukh Khan. My favourite Bollywood movies are Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, Devdas and Mohabbatein. So you can understand my actor choices. These two actors are so iconic because of their incredible talent. Amitabh strikes fear, or soothes with his deep strong voice. Shah Rukh makes you fall in love with his eyes just as easily as he makes you cry. There isn't even Hollywood equals I can liken them to! 

But as a complete spin, my favorite actor in Bollywood is Kajol ;-) 

To be part of Blake’s project on Indian LGBT, you can mail him at blake[at]woodhams.co.za to know more. Blake will be in Mumbai till Wednesday, March 4th. 
Check out Blake's photography website at http://www.blakewoodhams.co.za/

Check out these related posts too!
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CSB Promotion - Pandora's Box

It’s not that often we get to see plays touching upon gay theme. But a group of young budding amateur artists will be showcasing their latest play - ‘Pandora’s Box’, this Saturday in Mumbai, which aims to present the universal theme of love from a queer perspective. This young team calls themselves Metamorphosis to express art in different forms but with a meaning and perspective, and to deconstruct the stereotypes and norms. Pandora’s Box is the team’s second outing after the success of their debut play - Quest, which had run to packed audience.

The plot of Pandora’s Box revolves around the randomness of life and exploring different forms of love – the one that is innocent, the one that is a fairy tale, the one that has a thought behind, the one that vacillates between friendship and commitment, and the one that results out of loneliness and seclusion. The protagonist spends a particular night contemplating and reminiscing about the days long gone by. And as he looks back into his past, the letters, calendars, pictures and posters all come to life making him recall the good and the bad.

Omkar Bhatkar who has written, directed and also acted in Pandora’s Box feels that he is taking a risk by venturing into a topic that could be palatable to only a few. He says, “To even think of writing Pandora’s Box was very challenging. Already the audience who watches theatre plays is niche and then you write a play from a queer perspective. So how many would really like to invest that kind of time, effort and money to watch such plays? But I believe it’s an important story that needs to be told even if there are only few people willing to witness it.”

The team staged a raw version of Pandora’s Box at auditions for Thespo, an annual youth theatre festival and they were pleasantly surprised to see that it had moved several members of the audience to tears. Judging from the reviews received, the cast and crew realized that this play was meant for everyone. “Eventually it’s a universal theme of love. It can be presented from a queer perspective, but also can be easily identified from any perspective,” Omkar opines.

The team Metamorphosis comprises of medical students, engineers, architects, models as well as theatre actors. But what brings these people of different occupations and backgrounds is their passion for acting and theatre.

Pandora’s Box will be staged this Saturday, November 30th at Temperence, Next to Rizvi College of Hotel Management, Bandra West, Mumbai. 

The play performance is restricted to an adult audience. 

For Tickets: 
The tickets are priced at Rs. 200/- for 6:30 p.m. and 8 p.m. show.
You can call 09833587470, 09821173756, 09930936865 for tickets.

Tickets can also be collected from the venue till Friday between 10 a.m. and 5 p.m.

Check out these related posts too!
CSB Promotion - Chennai Rainbow Festival 2013
CSB Promotion - KASHISH Mumbai International Queer Film Festival 2013
CSB Promotion: Queer Ink Offer For CSB Readers!

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Why It Is Important For Parents To Tell Their Kids To Be Gay Friendly

One of my colleagues recently stated that gays are always sentimental, depressed and emotional; as if these conditions are natural if one is gay. But were we born with these conditions? No! They were inflicted upon us knowingly or unknowingly, which if we trace back to our childhood, will help us to understand.

I began to get confused about my sexuality when I was around 7. There was something that got me attracted to men at that very early age. And I didn't know there could be the remotest possibility that there are other guys who are experiencing the same. The visuals and texts around me suggested that a man is to be paired with a woman. The thought that I could be the sole person in this world to have such thoughts and not knowing where to seek help could be one of the early traumas I had to go through. I remember the numerous conversations I had in my mind talking to God, begging to throw some light. What I ended up receiving was more and more chaos. Why many gay men are prone to high level of anxieties and depression episodes? This chaos could have probably caused that. When we were kids, our tender mind was subjected to multiple levels of internal battle, more than it could handle. And we didn't know how to reach out to our parents for help, because we doubted whether they would understand us or the worst case, they could stop loving us.

Studies suggest that in the absence of a reliable caring adult, such intense trauma could lead to disturbing the neurochemical balance in the brain, decreased brain growth, and negatively impacting the neuronal pathways. The after-effect of these developments are long term which means they will be carried throughout a kid’s adulthood resulting in low self esteem, depression, anxiety, social and attention problems, behavioural disabilities etc. 

Such self-inflicted emotional abuse can be the most dangerous form of all abuses. It makes them weak within, not able to protect themselves, not able to stand up for themselves. This insecurity could in turn attract bullies and sexual predators seeing that they are an easy target, leaving them exposed to even more traumatic episodes. By the time, the kid attains adulthood, the mind is scarred beyond repair and the aforementioned after-effects keep haunting him. Add to that the social stigma, the pressure to lead a double life, the nagging of parents and relatives to get married - the world doesn't appear rosy at all for most of the homosexuals. 

These vicious series of events can be prevented to a large extent by the people whom the child searches for when he feels scared or threatened. The parents. 

At a time when parents are given the responsibility to give their children the first sex education (from the age of 3 onwards), it is utmost important that they discuss about sexuality and tell them to be gay friendly. The benefits of this approach can work out in two ways. 

One. If the child indeed turns out to be gay, he wouldn't have to go through the endless circle of emotional trauma. He knows where to reach out to when faced with perplexity. Knowing that his parents doesn't love him any less can give him the strength from within, the ability to face the world without any underlying turbulence, and lends him the emotional health equal to that of his straight peers. Not to forget that only when one is sound emotionally can he invest in deep love and healthy relationships. 

Two. If the child is straight, he has already got a clarity on gays from the people whom he considers as reliable source, leaving no room for misconceptions about homosexuality. The chances of him turning out to be homophobic would be minimal and would not face the mental block in accepting gays as equals. 

Therefore, as you see, the solution lies within the home. 

And now ponder upon how this solution is inherently present in the case of gay parents..

Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka with their kids

Check out these related posts too!
My First March For Equality 
Bangalore Gay Pride March Montage By Amar Mitra 
The Great Indian Mainstreaming Of Homosexuality

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I Want Mr. Gay India To Walk The Talk: Nolan Lewis

Photography by Marc Drofmans

Life has taken a fabulous upswing for Nolan Lewis - Mr. Gay India 2013, after his return from this year's Mr. Gay World (MGW), which was held at Antwerp, Belgium in August. Even though Mr. Gay New Zealand, Christopher Colwage was adjudged as Mr. Gay World 2013, Nolan was among the Top Ten finalists. He was also one of the favourites for the international media since everyone was curious to hear from the Indian representative and understand the Indian LGBT landscape. As part of the pageant activities, Nolan created a picturesque collage of Indian LGBT icons featuring Ashok Row Kavi, Wendell Rodricks, Laxmi Narayan Tripathi and Shakuntala Devi, which is now on permanent display at Antwerp's LGBTI archive.

The MGW organization has also conferred him the title, 'Founder - Mr. Gay World India' to kick start the annual Mr. Gay India pageant from next year. In an exclusive interview for CSB readers, Nolan shares his MGW experience, his vision for the upcoming Mr. Gay India pageant, and how his world has changed for the better post MGW 2013.

Nolan Lewis was featured in the popular CSB Xclusive! series early this year. Click here to reach the post.

Photography by Andrea Fernandes

Crazy Sam (CS): Last time when we spoke, you were facing challenges financially and also searching for a designer. How did it all come together for you?

Nolan Lewis (NL): I believe in the saying that ‘when you make a wish, the universe conspires to make things come true.’ I remember how hard times were when we spoke last. I didn’t have the money to fund a ticket or the wardrobe for the pageant. I utilized the savings that I had, but also there were friends who contributed towards my airfare because they could see how noble my cause was.

Wendell Rodricks helped me put together my National Costume. He sent me a beautiful open-front lime green jacket from Goa a few days before I left for MGW13. You can’t believe how excited I was to see it! 

CS: What was your feeling on the first day when you landed at Antwerp?

NL: The delegates from all across the world had already added each other on various social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter, months before the pageant. Landing into Antwerp felt like a reunion of sorts, because we were just picking up conversations where we had left them online. We were like a bunch of school kids, hugging and screaming! It was really funny!

Image courtesy: Mr. Gay World

CS: How did everyone react when you told them that you represent India? Did you have to correct anyone on some misconceptions that the world has about our country?

NL: India has very interesting stories to tell, because we still are in the nascent stages of defining LGBT rights. Everyone admired my courage and the determination I displayed despite all the odds that stood against me. I was surprised because even the international media had been following my story and had so many interesting questions to ask mainly because most countries have a strong Indian community across the world, and they were eager to see India participate in a gay pageant!

The West still perceives India as an enchanted land with elephants and snake-charmers. I had to laugh and tell many people that it’s been a decade since I saw an elephant on the streets of Mumbai. Unfortunately, the alarming number of crimes towards women was also highlighted and that was one of the questions asked to me by the judges. I answered their questions to the best of my ability but it was not an easy spot to be in. 

CS: Can you tell me something about the collage you made?

Click the above photograph to view the collage

NL: “Looking through Pink Glasses” was the arts challenge that every delegate at Mr. Gay World had to present. We had to make an exhibit of what homosexuality was like in our country. I created a sepia Bollywood poster that was distinctly Indian with all the LGBT icons such as Ashok Row Kavi, Wendell Rodricks, Laxmi Narayan Tripathi and Shakuntala Devi on it. It was a chronographic timeline on how the scene in India has changed over the centuries and it was very well received. All the exhibits are now on permanent display in Antwerp’s LGBTI archive. Please stop by if you ever visit the city.

CS: What were the thoughts going in your mind while you were standing there on the pageant platform?

NL: There was very little time to think because the actual pageant felt like a beautifully choreographed musical! You must YouTube Mr. Gay World 2013 to see more. We were either dancing to the Baywatch theme song for the swimsuit round or a Lady Gaga medley for the club wear round. When it announced that I made it to the Top Ten finalists, I breathed a sigh of relief! I knew I had set a new record for India. I can proudly say that I’ve changed LGBTI Indian history. I’m hoping that in a few years from now, India will be crowned Mr. Gay World.

Image courtesy: Mr. Gay World

CS: You have been assigned as the MGW representative to choose the next Mr. Gay India. How does it feel to shoulder this responsibility? What will you be doing different this time?

NL: Believe it or not, Mr. Gay World receives hundreds of applications from India every year! Isn’t it only fair that we organize an annual pageant and that the winner goes to the World pageant via a national competition?

Mr. Gay India sounds like a prospect that is daunting and exciting both at the same time. What motivates me is the idea of creating a positive role model for young gay men in India. We didn’t have positive gay role models to look up to in our times, we do now.

I’m busy brainstorming means on how we can organize Mr. Gay India as an annual pageant here. Apart from sponsorship and finances, that also means crossing several legal and social hurdles. I get panic attacks just thinking about the same. Luckily, Mr. Gay World is an amazing mentor and there are several international LGBT activists as guides to help me through.

CS: What are the qualities that you look for from the next Mr. Gay India? What do you think we should improve upon to win the MGW title?

NL: Mr. Gay India needs to be a Perfect Ten. Beautiful inside-out. There needs to be an added emphasis on being aware of LGBTI issues around the world and having an opinion on the same. There’s no point in appointing a winner unless he delivers. At the end of each year, I’ll be asking the winner, “What did you do for LGBTI India? Show me tangible results.” Talking the talk is one thing; I want Mr. Gay India to walk the talk. I struggled so much with arranging my finances and wardrobe for the pageant, that I didn’t focus as much on my fitness and preparation as much as I’d liked. I like Mr. Gay India 2014 to have all of that taken care of, so that he can focus on presenting himself at the world pageant.

Image courtesy: Mr. Gay World

CS: Any funny incident from MGW that still makes you laugh?

NL: Oh my god! I’m glad you asked! As the photos suggest, I wore my hair long at the pageant. There was this time where the delegates were waiting backstage to inaugurate the opening of the OutGames, the international LGBT community’s response to the Olympics. I was looking quite flustered because it had been a long day. David Montes, Mr. Gay Mexico was standing behind me and started combing my hair with his fingers just so that I would calm down. Little did we know that we had video cameras recording us and playing simultaneously on the big-screen on the stage! I saw the audience laughing hysterically and pointing at me. It was so embarrassing. I wished the earth would open up and swallow me alive!

Image courtesy: Mr. Gay World

CS: So how has your world changed post MGW?

NL: I think MGW13 was my coming of age. MGW has changed my life in so many ways. As of today, I am Mr. Gay India 2013, but I am also ‘Founder - Mr. Gay World India.’ The amount of international recognition and appreciation I have received has been overwhelming. Magazines and TV channels all the way from Amsterdam to Australia were interested in what LGBT India has to say, and I’m honoured to be one of the spokespersons for the same.

I work as tarot reader and a crystal healer. I couldn’t help but notice a difference in the rise of number of my LGBT clientele after the pageant.

B&O Amazing Cruises has appointed me as their Indian Brand Ambassador. B&O Amazing Cruises offers cruises custom-made to meet the needs of the gay and lesbian traveler  LGBT travel is still a fairly new concept in India. You can log on to www.amazingcruises.eu for more details on how you can create a memorable cruise experience as a gay traveler.

Also, without divulging too many details, I’ll be starring in a film with an acclaimed international filmmaker soon. Look out for me in a cinema near you sometime next year!

Photography by Andrea Fernandes

CS: Thank you Nolan for your time. I’m glad to know that MGW13 has opened up a lot of opportunities for you. Anything you wish to add before we wrap up?

NL: I’m here chatting with you, Sam, and I’m at a zenith. Even though I contested a gay pageant, there was no social or political backlash as we had earlier feared. In fact, my life has only changed for the better. My advice to the LGBT youth of today is to come out and embrace your identity. Closets are so 1988!

Several studies estimate that we have approximately 3 million LGBT individuals in India. If we stand together and speak as a community, archaic laws such as section 377 would only be an unpleasant memory. Trust me, our children are going to be laughing at the idea that we even had laws that stigmatizes homosexuality. It’s ridiculous!

Image courtesy: Mr. Gay World

Check out these related posts too! 
CSB Xclusive! Nolan Lewis - Mr. Gay India 2013
CSB In Conversation With Dan Skinner
CSB In Conversation With Ronald N. Tan

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